“Michael J. Sullivan?” a loud voice called as a man leading
an entourage of some seven or eight individuals walked into the bar at the Hunt
Valley Marriott, where they were holding Balticon this past weekend.
I looked up just as this young, muscular fellow with a
military haircut boldly strode up to me eager to shake my hand. “I’m Myke
Cole—I’m so glad to meet you.”
I stared back puzzled. What
the hell? You actually know I exist?
First off, you need to understand that I’m not a big con
attendee. In January 2009 I went to my first one (MarsCon in Williamsburg, VA,
not to be confused with the one in Bloomington, MN). This had been just a few
months after my first book was published by AMI and I was trying to do anything
and everything to promote it. I had spent nearly every weekend at bookstores
doing signings and bought a table in the dealer’s room for every literary
science fiction/fantasy convention I could find within a couple of states
radius (as I didn’t have the money to travel farther).
My initial convention experiences were not good.
I spent eight hours a day standing behind a table hocking my
book to disinterested passerbys. At a bookstore signing I could move 10 books
an hour. At the conventions I sold 10 per 8 hours or 30 books in 24 hours—three
days of grueling drudgery which required travel, food and hotel expenses that
often ate all—and frequently more than—I made selling the books. The disturbing
thing was that those who sold their books alongside me marveled at my ability
to move so many copies as often they sold no more than 5 books in a three day
period.
More than this, however, I found the conventions to be
dispiriting and depressing, mostly due to the hordes of the disinterested.
Throngs of pink and blue haired aliens, scantily dressed elves and elegant
vampires with bunny ears flowed by. These were fans of my genre and yet they
were so desensitized to struggling self, or small published, authors that they
dismissed me out of learned reflex.
One young woman picked up a copy of my book, read some, and
then asked to buy it. When I inquired what convinced her, assuming it was my
killer opening, she replied, “I read the whole first page and there wasn’t a
single spelling error.” This then was the level of expectation I was dealing
with. (Incidentally that young woman was Leona Wisoker who has gone on to
become a published author herself.)
Readings were torturous acts of humiliation. While I did not
have one, I went to the readings of those whose booths were near mine—authors I
befriended like raw recruits in our first military action. No one came. The
author stood at one end of a long room before an audience of empty chairs. I
felt sick in empathy and started pulling people in from the hallway almost
threatening them to get butts in seats. All my efforts resulted in a three
person audience—including myself. I sat sweating in shared embarrassment as the
author bravely, and proudly read from their novel to a room dripping in apathy.
Afterward the ashen look on the author’s face and her near tearful thanks for
trying to help was tough to witness.
I deemed conventioning to be long, hard, miserable work that
resulted in few sales, and a good deal of ego pummeling. Seeing that I was
spending more by attending than I could make, and realizing that for all my
efforts I was only able to reach a handful of people, I quickly lost interest
in cons.
I still went, but only to help my wife, Robin, who attended
either to meet with authors she was publishing, or to be on panels (groups
discussions) on topics aimed at helping new writers understand the world of
self-publishing. My job was to haul books for Robin’s other authors, and the
rest of my time was spent in the bar. As a result I rated cons by the quality
of their beer selection.
This year’s Balticon was slated to be no different.
At last year’s Balticon, Robin had gotten them to put me on
a few panels, which I found more depressing then sitting in the dealer’s room.
People weren’t there to see me, they didn’t even know me, and I felt inadequate
next to the other panelists. For this year’s event Robin mentioned I was asked
to be on a panel Tee Morris and his wife Pip Ballentyne were moderating. I’ve
known Tee for a few years and couldn’t turn down a friend, so I grudgingly agreed.
In my mind it was only an hour, and there was always the bar afterward. When I
arrived at the hotel and Robin checked the “official schedule,” and discovered
I was put on five panels and had a signing and a reading. She claimed innocence
and I quickly fell into “a mood.” This is Robinspeak for adopting an attitude
where I want to punch out the Pillsbury doughboy and complain that the sky is
too damn blue!
We arrived late Friday and while Robin remained in the room
I made a beeline for the bar. I brought my backpack of research books, my
moleskin and pen—just like any other working day—and settling down at a quiet
table in the corner with a glass of Guinness, I began to work. The fact that
the bar served Guinness should have been a clue that something remarkable was
about to happen. I should have been pleasantly surprised as I don’t remember
them having my favorite drink in previous years, but as I said, I was in a
mood.
Then Myke Cole walked in and shook my hand.
Okay, I thought, this
is weird. How does this guy know who I am? Myke Cole, Myke Cole…I know that
name. He’s the new debut author everyone is talking about. The one who released
Shadow Ops: Control Point. I twittered with him, but did he actually remember
that? He tweets with lots of people. So how does he know me, and why would he
appear to be so happy to shake my hand?
He then went on to introduce his posse: other big house
authors, a very nice woman from the review site, Fantasy Faction, named Jennie
Ivins, and Justin of Staffer’s Musings. Each filed around to shake my hand.
Having several empty chairs I invited them to sit. Myke sat next to me and
proceeded to act insane—at least from my perspective. No one else at the
gathering gave any sign that his very surreal behavior was odd. I just stared
back at him for a while a little freaked. Why? Because Myke Cole was acting
like I was somebody. He was talking as if I was…I don’t know, famous I guess.
It became even stranger when no one around him asked, “So who is this Michael
J. Sullivan?” A question I was tempted to ask because I wanted to hear Myke’s
answer. Then just when I thought it couldn’t get any more bizarre, Myke
mentioned that Peter Brett would be joining them and he wanted to meet me too.
Okay—hold on—Peter
Brett, author of The Warded Man and Desert Spear? The guy who sold like a
million books? That Peter Brett?
I nodded pretending to look as sage as possible then
proceeded to make a fool of myself by asking the man across from me what
publisher he was with, only to have him look back puzzled. “I’m with Orbit—like
you. We have the same publisher, Mike.” That was T.C. McCarthy who just won the
Compton Crook Award.
“Oh,” was all I could reply. God, I need a cheat sheet. Who else am I about to insult?
I didn’t need to wait long to find out. Because on the other
side of me was Chris Evans, who I falsely accused of writing the Iron Druid
books, when in fact that’s Kevin Hearne—Evans wrote the Iron Elves series.
Is it really my fault
when they use such similar names? Sigh.
And yet despite my idiocy everyone was very understanding,
and I couldn’t shake this sensation that I had awakened that evening in another
person’s body. I felt as if I was in an episode of Quantum Leap, after all they appeared to know me. And how the hell do they know me? How could
Myke Cole identify me as he walked past? I wasn’t wearing a con badge. He just
knew.
After a pleasant evening where I closed the bar with Evans
chatting about setting fantasy novels in unconventional time periods, I went
back to my room thinking that at least that part of the con had been fun—weird,
but fun. The next day I was on my way to get my badge when a young man spotted
me in the hall. His eyes went wide and he abruptly changed course to meet me.
He held out his hand, “Mr. Sullivan, I just wanted to say how—how much I
enjoyed reading your books.”
His hand was quivering.
Whoa. Really? Awesome, but sort of disturbing.
On the way back I was stopped by another man. “Hey! Hi
Michael!” I still wasn’t wearing the name tag, I had it stuffed in a pocket. I
made a quick study of the guy, but had no idea who he was. “Loved your books.
Which panels are you on?”
“Ahh…” I didn’t even know, and I was still trying to work
out who this was and how he knew me.
This sort of thing happened all day.
I found Robin and we headed for lunch when we walked past
Jon Sprunk, who I did remember from the year before, when we spoke for a few
minutes in front of a vendor’s booth. We invited him to lunch and we three had
a great talk—the insider publishing chat that new authors discuss when no one
else is listening.
After that, as we walked through the halls trying to get to
a panel, I was telling Robin how utterly surreal the day had been. How around
every corner I ran into people who seemed to—
“Michael!”
Literally interrupting this sentence was a woman who stopped
us in the hall—a woman I’d never seen before.
“SEE!” I said to Robin.
A quick glance at the name tag gave me a hint. MELISSA it
read. Then like a contestant on a game show I mentally threw up a hand. Wait! No wait—I know this one!
“Mel Hay?”
She smiled and nodded.
Score!
Melissa wearing a very stylish t-shirt |
Melissa is a wonderful blogger, (My World in Words and Pages) one the very first who
discovered me and helped to spread the word. She didn’t just review my books,
she became an advocate for me all over the net-a-verse and really helped
launch my career. This was a woman I owed a lot to, and if I was able to
recognize anyone at the con, I was so glad it was her.
When I sat on panels I found a change as well. Some of my
fellow panelist knew me, even though I still had my badge in my pocket. Those
who didn’t, smiled warmly after hearing my obligatory intro bio. Again, I had
that looking-over-my-shoulder-for-the-person-their-really-looking-at sensation.
For old times’ sake I visited the dealer’s room. Same
tables, different faces—like taking the Alcatraz tour after having been an
inmate. I paused to look at a rack of books and spotted the indie publisher who had been on a panel
with me.
“Hi,” he said with a big smile. I used to do that too. After
three days, your face hurts. The publisher narrowed his eyes. “You know, in all
the time we were on the panel, you never mentioned the name of your book.”
In case you don’t know—if you haven’t been to a con—panels consist
of a hotel room where a table is set up and a few people sit and speak on a
topic before an audience. The point of this, for most authors, is to get
face-time with potential fans to promote themselves. You’re supposed to stand
your book up in front of you and plug yourself so if people find they like you
based on your panel performance, they might buy your book. Only I wasn’t there
to sell my books. I was just there to help Tee Morris on the panel he was
moderating, which was on the subject of Making
the Jump from Self to Corporate Publishing. I hadn’t planned, didn’t expect,
and didn’t even want to be on these other panels, but they had all these schedules
printed up. All these people planned to go. So I went.
But as I said things were different this time. The topics
were more sensible, mostly on publishing, and a number of people in the
audience appeared very appreciative of what was said. One man actually stopped
me on the way out of one session and said, “That was really great. It was nice
to hear from someone who actually knows what he’s talking about.” I presumed he
meant me, but I didn’t ask in case I was wrong.
But I never brought a book, nor did I mention my series. And
as I said, I didn’t even wear my name tag. The man in the dealer’s room was
very puzzled. Maybe a lot of people were, except perhaps the guy who stopped me
on the way out of that one session.
I spent the second night in the bar with author Collin Earl and his
pals, along with Jon Sprunk, Mel Hay and her brother. The night after that it
was dinner with Nathan Lowell and his charming companion, then back to the bar
with Myke Cole, Peter Brett, Scott Sigler, and Justin comparing book covers and
discussing bad titles. Later, we hooked up with Tee Morris, and a woman bought
me a drink—sadly I never even caught her name.
This was a very different con.
I was treated like I a real author—as if everyone got
together in a secret meeting and voted me into the club, but I never got the
memo.
Maybe I’ll attend another one.